2026, Meet the Family
Wow, look at this all coming together. Like a beautiful conspiracy to assassinate the archduke of Austria, we hit our snags along the way but the universe was on our side. We have what is perhaps the most elite squad of ball-knowing fantasy baseball players known on this side of the Milky Way. The season will be upon us before you know it, but before we begin I want you all to know the strapping young men to your left and right that you'll be sharing this journey with.
The regular season will be 20 weeks long. Weeks 2-19 will involve playing every opponent twice, so you get to meet everyone and get exposure to the whole league (fun!). Weeks 1 and 20 you will play a "rival", who I hand-selected for everyone in a way I found logical. Your "rival" is grouped with you in the boxes below. So when it's all said and done, you'll play your rival 4 times and everyone else 2 times. The top 3 teams by record make the playoffs, plus a "wild card" that is explained on the Rules page.
Finally, before we get into the introductions, two quick announcements. First, I really tailor the website for mobile first. I'm just a man, so if it looks on some screens I do apologize, if it bothers you enough feel free to shoot me a screenshot and I'll do what I can. Second, and more importantly, I will send email notifications out for the first couple of these newsletters, but eventually I will stop and only provide alerts through push-notifications. I will give you all instructions for setting those up if you'd like them. Of course you don't have to, you're welcome to ignore all the newsletters completely if you want, but I like to think they're fun.
Yes, it is I, your humble despot. Some of you know me from high school, some from Charlotte, some not at all! I'm entering the 16th year of holding the thankless job of Fantasy Commissioner, and I embrace the challenge of making the grind that is Fantasy Baseball a grind you'll all relish and leave you foaming at the mouth for more next year. Please clap.
Ethan is a peer of mine from graduate school where he and I willed the Georgia Bulldogs to thier first championship in 40 years. Armed with a wife and 2 (the second as of the last few days, congrats buddy!) children, he comes into the league with the mysterious sage wisdom that comes with fatherhood, and with that he is dangerous. Given he has just sired new life, I'm giving him a pass on the headshot (we'll get that updated later on, Ethan).
Garrett, like John Luke, is an Apex man and is the only one from this crew that is still manning the home front. His loyalty lies in Raleigh with NC State, but is a Red Sox fan and will surely lean on his knowledge of the AL East to finish in 6th or 7th this year. Garrett, unlike Ethan, was not involved in the creation of any new life recently, so he does not get a pass on his headshot. I asked him no fewer than 20 times, but he let me down every time and instead I'm using an old one I had of him from 2023. Do better, Garrett.
John Luke, an Apex man by nature, recently moved to Boston and has plenty of experience with me scrutinizing his fantasy decision making as a long-time member of our parent company, the AFFL. "JL" as we sometimes call him randomly decides to move to New Zealand every now and then, no telling if he'll pull a fast one on us this summer or not, but the Kiwis are always calling to him like a siren song.
You know Clark is good people becuase Clark is a ride-or-die Georgia fan, which is the first and only criteria I use for determining who will and won't be in my will. He's also requested a mapping of players by nationality so he can exclusively roster Asian players, and boy have I taken that requset to heart but it is much more challenging than I thought it would be.
Another member, another loyal Dawgs fan. While Xan has critized our glorious leader Kirby Smart one too many times for my liking, he locks in for the Georgia games and I'm optimistic that he'll lock in for the Fantasy Baseball matchups as well. And, unlike David below, Xan opted to get a full-in professional photoshoot just for this league, so how's that for committment?
Seb hails from the sandy beaches of Los Angeles and decided to pick the Angels as his favorite team instead of the Dodgers. This is both admirable and a hilariously bad decision, but if he finishes the season without a playoff bid well... at least he will be used to it? Seb does carry around a picture of Shohei in an Angels uniform in his wallet, I've seen it when he's ordering espresso martini's at breweries.
David is another alumnus of the Harvard of Athens, the University of Georgia. He followed in my footsteps by being in the Army then getting his MBA, and as a loyal follower he was eager to join me on this venture as well. A Braves fan like the majority of us, David got to be in Athens when the Braves won the 2021 World Series shortly before the Dawgs won the 2021 National Championship, and the amount of partying he did caused semi-permanent brain damage.
Nathan joins us as something of an in-law, the brother of the First Lady of the League (who IS real, Garrett), but I'm confident he'll entrench himself as a foundational member of our council. Nathan also clocks in as the youngest member of the group, so feel free to direct all questions to him about what is and isn't cool with the youth.
I've never met Joe and have no clue about him except that he was Nathan's roommate at Clemson. But if Nathan recommends him then I'm sure he's a top-notch man. Joe, you can either make an introduction, or drop cryptic and subtle hints about the enigma that is your life for us to put together like some sort of crime scene of a puzzle.
The regular season will be 20 weeks long. Weeks 2-19 will involve playing every opponent twice, so you get to meet everyone and get exposure to the whole league (fun!). Weeks 1 and 20 you will play a "rival", who I hand-selected for everyone in a way I found logical. Your "rival" is grouped with you in the boxes below. So when it's all said and done, you'll play your rival 4 times and everyone else 2 times. The top 3 teams by record make the playoffs, plus a "wild card" that is explained on the Rules page.
Finally, before we get into the introductions, two quick announcements. First, I really tailor the website for mobile first. I'm just a man, so if it looks on some screens I do apologize, if it bothers you enough feel free to shoot me a screenshot and I'll do what I can. Second, and more importantly, I will send email notifications out for the first couple of these newsletters, but eventually I will stop and only provide alerts through push-notifications. I will give you all instructions for setting those up if you'd like them. Of course you don't have to, you're welcome to ignore all the newsletters completely if you want, but I like to think they're fun.
Athens
Jake
- Lives: Charlotte, NC
- Occupation: Fantasy Commissioner
- Hobbies: Just look around this website man what do you think
- Fun Fact: Voted Times Magazine Sexiest Man Alive in three non-consecutive periods
Ethan
- Lives: Athens, GA
- Occupation: Dad, also consulting or something
- Hobbies: Knowing everyone that's ever stepped foot in Athens, GA.
- Fun Fact: A lot of you have probably met Ethan without realizing it, he's like a troll that guards the bridge to Athens.
Raleigh
Garrett
- Lives: Apex, NC
- Occupation: Known him since elementary school, no clue
- Hobbies: Throwing up at weddings, draft parties, wherever you can think of
- Fun Fact: I drove this man home from a wedding when he was blackout drunk and he took me on a freaking toll road that bitch
John Luke
- Lives: Boston, MA
- Occupation: I think he deals drugs? Not sure.
- Hobbies: Listing out every single collegiate mascot, past and current. Snow angels.
- Fun Fact: John Luke is dating a doctor, and if she starts making enough for him to stop working he'll be living every man's true dream
Hinesville
Clark
- Lives: Boca Raton, FL
- Occupation: Make-A-Wish Foundation (annoyingly noble)
- Hobbies: Gambling on Messi to score goals in MLS games
- Fun Fact: Clark went from being a soccer prodigy to a man known for jumping fences to get into bars, despite being over 21
Xan
- Lives: Hinesville, GA
- Occupation: Real Estate Agent
- Hobbies: Treating Hinge like an open world RPG
- Fun Fact: Once dropped six guaranteed touchdowns in an intramural flag football game
Charlotte
Seb
- Lives: Charlotte, NC
- Occupation: Banker/Finance Bro
- Hobbies: Likes long walks on the beach and rolling around on mats with strong, sweaty men
- Fun Fact: Unironically things he could beat up a kangaroo
David
- Lives: Charlotte, NC
- Occupation: Banker/Finance Bro 2
- Hobbies: Golf. Not inviting me to go bowling
- Fun Fact: Look at that photo... This man used AI to make what should have been the simplest photo-op of all time
Clemson
Nathan
- Lives: Charlotte, NC
- Occupation: Builds Bikes
- Hobbies: I mean I guess building bikes
- Fun Fact: Shockingly, he spends a lot of time biking. He does what amounts to ultramarathons but on a mountain bike.
Joe
- Lives: Houston, TX
- Occupation: Astronaut, but sidelined from missions to go on his book tour
- Hobbies: His family holds the patent for Lincoln Logs and he takes the family business seriously by renting out and renovating log cabins in the Rockies.
- Fun Fact: All the above was made up.