Wow fucking SHOCKER I start this season with an L highlighted by the absolute fucking trainwreck that was the Sunday Night Football game. Fortunately, the majority of you were equally or even more so garbage and you all let me get away with stealing a top 5 point. FIVE people wound up with less than 100 points. That's only happened 16 times in league history, and only twice since 2019. Not that I'm complaining, it's to my benefit, but people let's get it together, shall we? We have a reputation to uphold around here.

Also, this week marks the first time we'll put our new waiver system into place. Remember you CAN wager $0 for the bid, and if no one else wagers higher (and you win tiebreakers) you get the player. Get to strategizing fellas.

Imperialism Map

Recaps

Collin 91.58 - Tyler 140.82

Tyler was on track for a pretty average game before Tyreek Hill went totally nanners and busted out a 44.5 spot all over the Chargers Sunday afternoon. This man went 11 catches for 215 yards and two scores, which pushed Tmo up to 140 despite leaving another big 32.9 points outing from Brandon Aiyuk on the bench. The first round draft pick worked out great for Tyler, as did Collin's in CMC. 150+ yards and a touchdown gave him 27.9 points on the day to compliment 22.2 from 7th-round keeper Tony Pollard. Tyler improves his impressive record against Collin, moving to 7-2 all time in the series. Tyler did lose out the weekly bonus to TK after a bullshit SNF, but he looks like he's back on track to competing for another championship.

Garrett 98.12 - Ryan 112.54

Different year, same shit for Garrett, huh? Dak Prescott only managed to get 6 points in a game where his team scored 40, Tee Higgins put up a 0 spot despite playing the entire game (Burrow got the bag and checked out), and his team pretty much looks unrecoverable after only 1 week of play. This can somewhat be considered my fault for giving Garrett an A- draft grade, which looks like it may just be the worst take of the season. Ryan cakewalked into a win and a Top 5 point, with a solid showing from Austin Ekeler (28.4) and a combined 26.8 from his WRs. This is exactly the start Ryan needed after finishing 9th last season, only one year removed from a Championship.

Mike 97.94 - Nathan 128.26

Another case of cakewalking is the body slam Nathan did to the reigning champ in the first round of this year's Bro Bowls. A real team effort saw Nathan get 18+ points from Kirk Cousins, Nick Chubb, Amon-Ra St. Brown, and a team-best 23.7 from Michael Pittman. The win not only sets Nathan on the winning track for the season, but also gives him the 4-3 edge in his all-time series with Mike. Mike had a good show from Ridley and Olave, but that's about it with both RBs falling under 10 and CeeDee Lamb going the way of Dak with the tame outing. Is this Nathan's year?? He looks good out the gate and is trying to put together his first ever playoff run. With what looks to be a layup against Garrett next week, see if Nathan can get his feet under him early.

TK 150.24 - Jake 119.44

Look yall when it comes down to it what the FUCK am I supposed to do about the other guy's defense putting up 35 points. We were matched up pretty well in the other lines but when Saquon fumbled into Dallas's second defensive TD of the 1st quarter I literally turned the TV off and went to bed like come the fuck on. Trevor and Patrick both put up 20+, TK and I both saw 24+ points from star players (Jefferson and Aaron Jones, respectively) but I implore you all not to feel some sort of sympathy for me here.

John Luke 91.06 - Austin 82.8

The only game that really came down to Monday night was also the worst of the bunch. JL had a nice showing from first-round pick Bijan Robinson but failed to have any other players break 20, including a piss-poor 4.56 point game from Lamar Jackson. Austin suffered like Garrett from the lack of any Bengals offense whatsoever and only saw 9.1 points from Chase and a not-as-bad-but-still-disappointing 13.5 from Jalen Hurts. I wish I could relish in Austin's early 10th place spot but it's really hard to get motivated when I get fucking WRECKED despite scoring 4th most in the league smh.