Ok fellas, pull up a chair, lend me your ear. We need to talk about us. Through six weeks of play, we are averaging 123.1 points per game. That is the lowest that this group has ever done, and the lowest the league has seen since our absolutely abysmal 2017 performance. I think we need to take a look in the mirror and really think about what we're doing here *cough* MIKE *cough* so we can turn this ship around and make sure someone annoying like Tmo doesn’t win the championship again. Rip a shot on Sunday morning, make an altar to Tom Brady (may he rest in peace), do something.

Imperialism Map

Recaps

Austin 113.5 - Tyler 150.38

This was one of those lose-lose situations. Tyler wins and he takes sole possession of first place after TK and Ryan faltered, but Austin wins and... well Austin wins. No one wants that. No one got it either, because Tmo took care of business with another payout-worthy performance on the backs of three 20+ point games by Kyren Williams, Tyreek Hill, and AJ Brown. Austin, much like the league as a whole I've already discussed, just didn't have a high-scoring week despite generally consistent play across the board. There's only so much you can do about it when Puka returns to earth (shocker) and Jalen Hurts only deals 18.9. Austin will play an almost comically bad Mike team next week though, so he can get back on track.

Mike 98.82 - Collin 137.6

Part of me thinks Mike may have intentionally tanked this week to scrape $10 out of this season by ensuring he was in last place for the weekly challenge, but the heartbreaking (maybe?) reality is that his team is just plain horrendous. He's averaging 110.1 PPG, which is the worst by a reigning champion ever, outpacing Austin's 2018 campaign where he averaged 111.2 on his way to 7-7. Collin's win launches him into a tie for 4th with Jake, to whom he lost to once but will play again in week 14. Its almost not worth talking about what's down the road for Mike because this man has almost locked up last place already. Granted players tend to under perform the year after winning a ship, but not at this pace. Yikes.

John Luke 115.68 - Ryan 77.16

Talk about an upset! John Luke was King Limp Dick last week, if you all fondly recall, but got it up just enough this week to beat a top-ranked team in Ryan, who only managed 77 due to four players putting up 5 or less. JL may have lost Deebo though, which could hurt. Ryan's loss doesn't hit too hard, and he remains in the top four despite some progress of the teams below him. Ryan does have Collin lined up though, and historically Collin owns Ryan, going 6-1 all-time. Similarly, John Luke squares off with a Nathan team that also carries a 6-1 record against him, so both these teams will need a change of pace to keep the pressure on the top of the standings.

Garrett 132.38 - TK 94.14

TK can find refuge in Ryan's welcoming arms as another 8-2 team that fell victim to upset this week. Mahomes' strong Thursday night (20.34) was pretty much TK's only bright spot on a week that saw him fail to break 100 for the second consecutive game. Garrett, while I still BEG you to ditch Dak and move on to bigger and better QBs, you've done well in keeping the playoffs reachable for the peanut gallery. 27.8 from Kupp means he's back, and Travis Etienne (23.3) is knocking on the door of elite status. Now yall keep in mind, my pleas are going unheard because Garrett literally doesn't read these, which I know for a fact because he never requested access to the site. So FUCK YOU GARRETT YOU BITCH you can't even read this and defend yourself. I hope you beat just enough people to help my playoff chances but then lose every other game.

Jake 122.04 - Nathan 124.84

Another great game in a series where it has become normal to win by the tightest of margins. Nathan came out on top this time, as Jake's combined effort of Barkley (13.8) and Diggs (20.0) fell just short on Monday night of completing the comeback. The all time series between Jake and Nathan is now 4-4 with half of the games being decided by 3 or fewer points. The average MOV in the last three games is 1.2 points. A second consecutive good week for Nathan improves him to .500 thanks to great games by Adam Thielen and Drake London, who combined for 50 even. Jake still earned a top 5 to stay in good standings, and will turn to face Garrett next week, to whom he's lost four straight games by an average of 21 points.