2021, Playoff Special

The 2021 season included a weekly trivia contest as a part of the season-long game. These archives do not inlcude the trivia because I got lazy and didn't feel like adding them.

I'm back boys, I'm back. Merry Christmas to all, and let's all just relax and take a moment to appreciate that I did pretty damn good last year with all this, and while I wasn't the most active between weeks 5 and 15, the website is a nice little resource in general. And I think all of that could easily count as my Christmas present to all of you.


Let's cover how the regular season panned out real fast, make sure everyone got their weekly bonuses, and talk shop about the 2021 postseason!

As satisfying as it is to see both Tyler and Austin be 5-10, it's unfortunate that Nathan was more impressively bad this year and took the last-place spot for himself. Garrett, JL, and Jake all finished with mediocre sub-.500 records, and that only left Mike and TK to squeeze into the playoffs in a season dominated by Ryan and Collin.

THE HAVE NOTS

Ok, which of us poor saps missed out on the playoffs, and why?

5. Garrett (7-8, 115.5 PFPG, 127.2 PAPG) or "Please Daddy (Don't Get Drunk this Christmas)"

Poor Gar, after a strong 11-3 season last year that saw heartbreak in the first round of the playoffs, he was primed for another postseason run this year. But after crawling to a 1-4 start to open the season, Garrett just didn't draft a playoff team. Matthew Stafford and Tyreek Hill had strong, top-5 seasons for their positions, but Adam Thielen's strong start fizzeled out and AJ Brown's injuries were too much to overcome during the heat of Garrett's schedule. Please Garrett, don't get too drunk this Christmas when you think back to seasons passed.

6. John Luke (7-8, 115.4 PFPG, 117.8 PAPG) or the entire New Kids on the Block Christmas album

Since JL's championship run in 2019, he's gone 11-20-1 and has been generally uncompetitive in fantasy play. This year's chapter in his fall from grace was highlighted by a complete lack of WR corps, with Tyler Lockett being his top guy. Patrick Mahomes at the helm was too inconsistent to reliably lead JL's team to wins, but he did find something to be happy about in the breakout season from rookie Najee Harris. When I see JL's team and his 15 games this season, I think "what's something that's way too long and an overall disappointment from all angles?" and that is John Luke's Christmas music.

7. Jake (6-9, 121.6 PFPG, 125.4 PAPG) or "Blue Christmas (Porky Pig Version)"

Holy moly yall my record is SO much worse than I deserve. While Russell Wilson didn't see a great year, Jalen Hurts is a fantasy dream by scoring ample garbage time points week-in and week-out. Davante Adams and Dionte Johnson playing at wide out, what went wrong? Really I blame my lack of wins on my completely wasted 1st-round pick Antonio Gibson and the underperforming David Montgomery. Even my man James Robinson got held back by that Grinch Fuck Urban Meyer. I'm having a blue Christmas this year, but the Braves still won the World Series and Georgia is in the playoffs so it's at least the fun version of it.

8. Tyler (5-10, 122.3 PFPG, 129.6 PAPG) or "Mary Did You Know"

YES MARY KNEW. THE ANGEL LITERALLY TOLD HER, THAT SONG IS ANNOYING. So is Tmo, which is where his song comes from. Tyler just really underperformed all year, and his roster is rough top to bottom. I can't really pinpoint where on his roster he really went wrong the most, but he can lean, once again, on Travis Kelce's performance for a reliable source of points. Tyler has started Travis Kelce 27 times since 2019. Just leave your wife and go marry Travis already Tmo smh. I hope you enjoy the last couple of weeks with your trophy, it deserves someone better.

9. Austin (5-10, 120.4 PFPG, 126.8 PAPG) or "The Chipmunk Song"

Holy injuries. DeAndre Hopkins out for 5 of 15 weeks, Calvin Ridley out, Leonard Fournette on the IR, and the icing on the cake is Taysom Hill going out (not that it matters this week, Austin's season is long over by this newsletter's publishing. Much like Garrett, Austin just started the season way too poorly to really ever recover. 1-5 going into week 7 and he may as well have been out of the playoffs then and there. Still though, I was thinking to myself "What could possibly be worse than Austin being successful in fantasy football?" and, while I couldn't think of anything, I decided Alvin's ear-bleeding Christmas tune was a close second. So congrats Austin, you beat someone to end the season!

10. Nathan (4-11, 110.5 PFPG, 130.3 PAPG) or "Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer"

Nathan my dude get it together. 110 PPG? That's it? Like yeah, you'd have had a rough season regardless because apparently everyone decides to go beast mode on you, but 110 per game is certainly nothing to brag about. Your horrific performance gets you only your comparison as the drunk grandmother that got waxed by that coked-up deer.

THE HAVES

1. Ryan (11-3, 140.9 PFPG, 110.9 PAPG) or "You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch"

Ryan started the season 0-1, then channeled his hatred and anger from being last place for 3 of the last 4 years into a rage-fueled assault on the league, winning eight consecutive games and scoring over 190 points three times in the process, including a 216-point game in week 2, the most points ever scored in our league's 11-year history. He closed the season going 4-2 from weeks 10-15 and walked into the playoffs with a 12-3 record. How? His gamble on 58-year-old Tom Brady paid off as he keeps defying science and putting up huge points, and Joe Mixon finally had "his year" with a top-3 showing on the season. Ryan's team did take a hit with Derrick Henry's absence, but his team still looks dangerous entering the playoffs. Ryan is looking for his first championship since his entrance into the league in 2013, and for what it's worth I'm cheering for him or Collin myself.

2. Collin (10-4, 137.0 PFPG, 115.6 PAPG) or "Silver Bells"

Get it guys? Silver Bells? Because Collin finished 2nd on the season? Silver? Get it? God I'm freaking hilarious. Collin's team has a deadly WR combo of Cooper Kupp, Stefon Diggs, and Keenan Allen, and rookie Kyle Pitts turned out to be a solid pick. Collin, however, is in a precarious position going into the playoffs with no real QB to start. Get this though, Collin is the culprit behind two of Ryan's three losses, and 4-1 against his fellow playoff teams this season. He is the most proven in this talented playoff field, and if I had to put money on anyone it would be Collin. I cannot say the same about Collin's chosen college football team, but that's a conversation for another day.

3. Mike (8-6, 130.0 PFPG, 132.2 PAPG) or "Please Come Home For Christmas"

Mike don't mistake your Christmas song as me cheering for you. It's me saying "Please Don't Go To The Championship Because I Don't Want You To Win". That being said, it is pretty impressive that Mike still managed 8 wins despite having a negative scoring differential. He saw the highest points against on the year, and that's thanks a lot in part to Jonathan Taylor's elite season. Mike also saw a ton of production from both QB Justin Herbert and WR Deebo Samuel, who finished both at number 2 in their respective positions. Must be nice to have Aaron Rodgers as your backup. Collin please PLEASE just beat Mike so I don't have to type anything about the potential of him winning his 4th championship.

4. TK (9-5, 131.6 PFPG, 129.6 PAPG) or "Jingle Bells"

I'm gonna be honest with you TK, by the time I got to yours I was really straining for song ideas and decided to go with a classic "Jingle Bells". I'm reasoning it as a homage to TK's last championship in 2011 and how his dry spell is old, just like the song. Unfortunately, a lot of TK's main pieces on the season are starting to look like they'll be unavailable for the playoffs. Top QB Josh Allen will be slinging the ball, but Dalvin Cook is out, Chris Godwin is out, Brandin Cooks is out, and Darren Waller is doubtful. That leaves pro-bowler Justin Jefferson and a whole bunch of backups for TK to Frankenstein his team together with. Really a bummer, because I wouldn't have hated a TK ship, but I just don't see it in the cards for our boy. Oh well, best of luck to him anyways!
If you haven't received your deserved cash payouts, please contact the league treasurer John Luke and ridicule him for needing me to micromanage him. Feel free to do it publicly in the group message too, it would be nice to hear some quality trash talk for once in this godforsaken league.