Ok boys, let's dive in. I don't have a lot of capacity to do this this week, but through thick and thin I will deliver to you all the content you so savagely demand. Maybe, just maybe, someone besides me and occasionally Mike will actually contribute to shit-talkery and gamesmanship in the group chat, but likely not.

Standings

Recaps

Austin 76.54 – 133.02 Jake (63.8)

Am I bummed that my first win against Austin since 2018 is the lowest ranked game of the week? Well, not really, I couldn't really give a shit. My main man Davante Adams ripped a 31 point outing and I get to enjoy the production of the last remaining good Panthers player without having to cheer for the Panthers. Overall pretty much a perfect outcome for me. Poor Austin is counting on Daniel Jones to lead him through the season now that CMC is out lmfao get fucked Austin. I joke, but Austin did pretty much just have a down week overall, you can't count on DeAndre Hopkins and Amari Cooper to only put up 5 points each for long, it'll at least kind of turn around eventually. No complaints here though!

Tyler 103.64 – 132.4 John Luke (Game Score: 74.7)

Man, we've been doing fractional scoring for a total of like 4 days and already JL gets pretty boned by it. JL was literally less than 1 point away from grabbing a Top 5 point, and I didn't go back and make a proforma for what the scores would have been if we hadn't changed, but I like to think he would have got one. Tmo kinda had a Austin-like week too, Chubb with only 8? Allen Robinson with only 4? Just not a standard performance for them. JL, despite only escaping with 1 point this week, had very encouraging production from rookie Najee Harris (28.2) and Mahomes (26.9) proved once again to be an asset even during a team loss.

Nathan 108.38 – 138.68 Ryan (76.6)

Is it just me, or does this seem to happen every year? I feel like Ryan always starts the first few weeks in a favorable position, then somehow just tanks the rest of the season. I mean, we'll see this year, he looks like he has a good team. Brady (33.68) has confirmed to be either bionic or a lizard person and Derrick Henry (21.4) is the best RB in the league so far. If Ryan's WR duo of McLaurin and Evans can consistently score, Ryan could have a winning season for the first time since 2016 when he went 8-7 (he actually made the playoffs in 2019 at 7-7 though lol). Nathan is... not in the same boat. Austin Ekeler (22.7) has been a great pick so far, but once you look down the roster there's not a lot of promise. Kareem Hunt (27.5) will almost certainly move off the bench this week and CeeDee Lamb still has great scoring potential, but Nathan doesn't look particularly threatening as we navigate the early parts of the season.

Collin 141.08 – 108.52 Garrett (76.6)

Okay Collin okay. I said Ryan hadn't had a winning season since 2016, Collin's dry spell has been since 2011 (pay no attention to the seven absent seasons between then and now), but my dude is looking solid. Lamar looks like he's back into the elite-QB form he was in two years ago, Kamara and Swift are a very strong 1-2 punch at RB, and Cooper Kupp has been slaying it. Collin and Ryan may have the two scariest teams. Weirdly enough, Garrett's team should be good, but after a 1-2 start and currently sitting in 8th, it's not coming together quite as well. Stafford (39.52) has been fantastic, and Saquon (21.4) and Carson (16.2) are putting up big points, but Garrett's production at the receiving end has really hampered his performance on the season so far. If Tyreek Hill and Adam Thielen come to form, Garrett will be fine, but the story of this game is Collin making a statement to be a contender.

TK 181.82 – 134.24 Mike (86.9)

TK, I'm not taking away from your game, you did great. Josh Allen put up FORTY-SEVEN POINTS like gtfo, and your decision to own the bulk of Minnesota was a good decision at least for now. What I want to talk about is poor Michael. This dude is averaging 190.1 points against per game which is not only hilarious, it's completely unprecedented. While part of me feels kinda bad, because I know if I was in Mike's shoes I'd be very frustrated, part (most) of me really wants it to keep going and we end up seeing like 3,000 total points scored against Mike on the year. Nothing personal against, Mike, it would just be so statistically unlikely that it would, if nothing else, prove that God really does hate Mike, like we've all thought for so long. The plus side for Mike this week, however, is that he snuck into a Top 5 score and earned a point, so at least he's not still sporting a 0 in the points column. Congrats Mike!

Previews

Nathan (1-2, 105.7 PPG) – Mike (0-3, 107.2 PPG)

Series: Nathan 3 – 0 Mike

All-Time Points: Nathan 399 – 369 Mike

Last Meeting: Nathan 130 – 127 Mike

Win Streak: Nathan 3

Jake (1-2, 125.6 PPG) – TK (3-0, 156.0 PPG)

Series: Jake 7 – 8 TK

All-Time Points: Jake 1,664 – 1,847 TK

Last Meeting: Jake 87 – 161 TK

Win Streak: TK 1

Tyler (1-2, 122.8 PPG) – Collin (3-0, 143.4 PPG)

Series: Tyler 4 – 1 Collin

All-Time Points: Tyler 659 – 576 Collin

Last Meeting: Tyler 147 – 106 Collin

Win Streak: Tyler 3

John Luke (2-1, 141.4 PPG) – Austin (1-2, 124.5 PPG)

Series: John Luke 5-6 Austin

All-Time Points: John Luke 1,262 – 1,296 Austin

Last Meeting: John Luke 115 – 129 Austin

Win Streak: Austin 2

Ryan (2-1, 156.4 PPG) – Garrett (1-2, 121.8 PPG)

Series: Ryan 10 – 5 Garrett

All-Time Points: Ryan 1,967 – 1,775 Garrett

Last Meeting: Ryan 106 – 131 Garrett

Win Streak: Garrett 1

Cash money

TK, as a result of playing Mike, earns the weekly bonus this week. Go ahead and pay him JL, and while you're at it get the payment for Nathan ready too, he's playing Mike this week.

Running Total

Austin: $10

Ryan: $10

TK: $10

Trivia

Last Week’s Trivia

Mike is currently averaging 190 points against per game (PAPG), which is fucking hilarious. So here’s a two-parter:

1. Who currently holds the record for highest PAPG for a complete season?
2. How many PAPG did that person have? I’ll give you a buffer of 5

So, for starters, I was pretty happy that I actually got responses on the poll this week. Thanks for being there guys! Now, for your answers:

1. Jake
2. 133.9 PAPG

Yep, it's me... again. I promise the trivia theme won't continue to be "Why does Jake suffer?", but facts are facts. Shoutout to Ryan for actually getting it right, albiet with a horrible guess of 110. John Luke was the closest with the second part with a guess of 140. TK and Mike both guessed Juan, which I appreciate despite it being wrong.

This Week’s Trivia

If you've noticed, there's a pretty in-depth History section on the website now, which has a lot of facts and records from the years passed. That makes coming up with trivia questions a little trickier, but I'll still go for it.

This week Josh Allen scored 47 points. Since 2019, 8 players have scored 50 points or higher in a single game. Which player has the highest single-game points scored?