If there was one word I could use for this week, it would probably be "ow". If there were two words it would be... "Monday ow"? Fortunately I have tons of words I can (and will) use so I'll opt for that route. We had a German trench's worth of injuries this week. Highlighted, of course, by the devestating hamstring injury suffered by future TE1 Evan Engram in pregame warm ups. But between CMC dropping to the IR, Jefferson and Amon-Ra repeatedly having to sit out for injuries, and the state of Florda just crushing TK's lineup, we were all walking on eggshells hoping our boys would hang in there for the game.

Monday Night Smackdown

Along with the plethora of injuries, this week also saw some really great finishes that came down to Monday night. Mike needed 26 from Saquon and Darnell Mooney to claw past Austin, Ryan needed 22 from Bijan to put Collin in the loss column, and there were plenty of Top 5 points up for grabs. Jake (117.78), Mike (93.14), Ryan (101.94), and Nathan (101.7) were all projected to break 120, and with Collin (123.66) and Austin (118.74) forced to sit back and watch, the fight for 4 of the Top5 points was on. Tmo was safely in control of the other one, as well as both the weekly challenge AND the top score in his rout of TK.

ALERT ALERT I'd be beside myself if I didn't announce the exciting news that we have a new member of the 100 win club, ME. The 5th person to join the club, I'll let you take a wild guess at the only person that's played all 14 years that hasn't joined yet (ironically the reigning champion).

King of the Hill

This marks the first week of our season long game, King of the Hill! For the first 5 iterations, there are 3 strikes allocated per week. Remember that its three strikes and you're out, so a strike this week doesn't ruin you, just puts you a smidge behind.

Recaps

TK 94.6 - 182.44 Tyler

The Tyler Bowl. TK and T$, same name, same hockey team, same... other things I assume. Could have been a great matchup, but I mean... Tua is one doctor's referral away from retiring from football, Tank Bigsby left the game before getting even one carry. Not even 28.5 points from James Cook could slavage that shipwreck. TK's coming off of a 2-0 week, so the 0-2 really just puts him back to average. Tmo got non-COD Kyler to carve up the Rams Sunday afternoon for 34 points, and DK Metcalf continues to be the person I'd least like to meet in a back alley, that man is scary. This Tyler Bowl was won by the Money, but the King will have a rematch in week 12.

John Luke 93.56 - 143.92 Nathan

Yeahhhhhhhh long season ahead for JL. McCaffrey dropping to the IR (I'm SHOCKED, SHOCKED I tell you) and Isiah Pacheco leaving the stadium on crutches in a boot. Such failure to anticipate injuries from one team should be studied by top scientists, its statistically significant. You earned your KOTH strike this week buddy. Granted, even if you would have put together a lineup with working limbs, it probably wouldn't have mattered. Nathan recovered from a pretty flacid Week 1 to grab a Top5 and a dub for a perfect week. But Nathan wouldn't be free of the injury gremlin either. Not only did Jefferson leave the game (he still put up 23 so all good) but George Kittle got carter off the field before he somehow came back and kept cooking to finish with 20.6. Official report I'm seeing is cramps?? No one with a thick neck gets carted off the field for cramps, Nathan...

Jake 127.78 - 103.62 Garrett

Garrett didn't avoid the injury bug either. A 3rd quarter ankle injury knocked out Joe Mixon after only amassing 8 points, and Travis Kelce continued to be effectively dead. Garrett saw glimpses of greatness from Chris Godwin (24.7) and Jonathan Taylor (17.5), but nothing was going to touch the absolute HEATER of a game from Alvin Kamara. FOUR touchdowns and 180 total yards resulted in 46 points in the Saints dismantling of the Cowboys, and was crucial in propelling Jake to a 2-0 start on the year, especially with Tyreek Hill having to catch passes from fuckin Bobby Boucher after Tua went down.

Collin 123.66 - 118.14 Ryan

Ryan was so close to pulling a 180 from his 0-2 start last week, but now he's still so far from the elusive first win. Ryan needed 13 points from Bijan Robinson in the 2nd half of the Eagles game to sneak past Collin for both a win AND a Top5 score, but the Eagles decided to take an actual trimester to finish a drive going into the 4th quarter and Bijan could only manage about 8 points for the half. The anchor holding Ryan at the bottom is much like the rocket propelling Collin to the lead. Collin remains perfect on the season thanks largely in part to the Dolphins treating De'Von Achane like a literal workhorse (he touched the ball 29 times, and averaged a point per touch) and Amon-Ra living up to expectations so far. Collin got bit by the injury alligator too though (didn't we all) and will be missing Cooper Kupp for some time after already having Tee Higgins on the pine. Regardless, a strong start to the season for Collin.

Austin 118.74 vs 128.54 Mike

Mike was down 25 points entering MNF with Darnell Mooney and Saquon Barkley to play. After a lackluster first half that saw only 3 points, things looked bleak. But out of the rainy, windy night, the sound of trumpets could be heard. From the darkness above, a ball of light (in the shape of a football) came soaring across the sky, streaking like a comet, and landed gently in the hands of Darnell Mooney for a 41 yard TD reception early in the 2nd half. An 11 point swing, but 11 more remained between Mike and Week 2 glory. the aforementioned trimester of an Eagles drive included feeding Saquon, and by the time the dust settled he and Mooney had each earned 17 points and the game belonged to Mike. Austin, in this metaphor a small, Gollum-like creature that is stomping around in place a la a child throwing a temper tantrum, would be doomed to the same depths of despair as Ryan, while Mike's perfect week keeps him well in the mix at the top of the standings.

Are You Better than the Georgia Bulldogs?

See guys, too easy. Even with a couple of sub-100 games everyone still managed to beat the Dawgs, which given their ACTUAL performance this past Saturday really isn't a shock.