PREFACE: The "Next Games" area is broken again, I tried to cut corners and do a query that would just pull whatever is supposed to be the next set of games based on historical schedules, but the Gut Check week last year messed that up so just ignore it for this week, I need to fix it. Will do later I got some good stuff brewed up for yall first Wow to the surprise of ABSOLUTELY NOBODY, I fixed it again, this time for real. You guys just do not understand nor come close to fully appreciating the breadth of my talents to bring you endless consistent entertainment.

Alright fellas, gather round. You know I'm a stats nerd. I can't help it, I just love a good stat. And when the man that I hopes gets cut TONIGHT, Mike Gesicki, finished the game with ZERO POINT ONE points, that's 0.1 for the folks keeping track at home, I thought to myself "what's the most sure method to get in touch with this man and let him know I hate him?". Then, I thought to myself, "why do TE's suck so bad this year, or is this just recency bias?". Ever one to be vigiliant of bias, especially in fantasy football, I raced to my computer to start plugging away.

How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Hate the Tight End

Okay, dig out the TE scores, simple enough. Wait... this can't be right. In 810 games since I started tracking player points, there have been 42 instances of a starting TE scoring 0 or fewer points. That accounts for 21% of all instances of that happening (including defense and kickers), while TEs only account for 11% of the starting lineups. They contribute almost DOUBLE thier fair share of 0 burgers from the TE position. In fact, there is on average a TE that scores 0 once every 2 weeks (including this week, much to Ryan's chagrin).

But that's in the past, we live in the NOW. The fast lane of life, surrounded by drugs, rock and roll, and Georgia coming back from down 28 to take the lead for 13 seconds only to immediately lose. How are we looking this season? So what we have here is lines (obviously). The RED line is the average points scored per game from the TE position for the whole season. Pretty substantial drop off this year. BUT, the BLUE line is the same number, but only looking at games during the first four weeks of the season. I find this to be an interesting look, on the whole (except for this season so far) TE production has stayed pretty much the same every year. But consistently, the scores put up by TEs in the early games have been dropping. Logically, this means that TEs have been playing a proportionally larger role in games later in the season. But are the players as a WHOLE just scoring less, regardless of position? Well... no. The thin dotted lines are the average PPGs of all positions (red for all weeks, blue for week 4 and earlier). The average remains consistent, right around 11.5-12 per game.

What should you make of all this? Well, my conclusion is that Evan Engram is going to come back off injury and commit war crimes against you all to lead me to my first ever trophy.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

King of the Hill

John Luke living on the edge with that 2 strike count. Austin and Garrett decided they were missing out on the thrill and wanted to join him. No one's out after 3 iterations, but one of those little sneaky bees is going to get the axe here soon.

Recaps

Jake 135.04 - 95.1 Austin

Mmmmmm taste that? Taste's good doesn't it? That's the sweet succulent taste of me beating Austin, the 10th time that's happened. The best part? It was over before Sunday Night football, I didn't even need Lamar or Tyreek. Now, I could give Austin the benefit fo the doubt considering he lost Rashee Rice early in the game to join Puka Nacua and Davane Adams in the graveyard of injuries. I could comment on his 20+ point games from Hubbard and CeeDee. But what I will do is point out what a FOOL Austin is for leaving the 35 point game from Jordan Love on the bench and instead starting the absolute LOSER named Mahomes. You like the Koo Klutch Klan hitting that 57 yarder for his 20th point? How about both RBs breaking 20? DAMN this one feels good.

John Luke 123.72 - 143.38 Tyler

Parents in the group, get a pen and take notes. Publically and rudely berating someone for poor behavior WORKS. John Luke took his whips last week, turned around, and landed himself a Top5 and a weekly challenge. Now, he still lost, but putting up Zamir White as an RB1 against Tmo when he's getting 33 points from Nico Collins, 26 points from Jordan Mason, and another 20 from Kyren Williams? Yeah that's a losing battle. But look, for what JL was working this this week should be considered an absolute win. Tmo continues his death grip on the top spot, but he'll have a challenge next week against Collin, who sits at 5-3 and well within striking distance of first place. John Luke actually has the benefit of playing one of the only people that's actually been WORSE than him this year, Austin.

Ryan 103.92 - 164.42 Nathan

Wahhh I'm Nathan and I complain in the group message when Jake has something good to say about my team. Sure I'm 6-2, sure I have a healthy lineup with bench depth, but no GOD FORBID Jake point that out. You know what Nathan, I'm not happy Georgia lost but I'm GLAD you lost your bet. So instead of giving you any credit whatsoever this week, I'm just going to rip Ryan. Ryan... buddy... we sat John Luke down last week and Intervention-ed him. It may be your turn. 0-8? Is that the record of champions? Here's the deal, you have 11 weeks to get just FIVE wins, be they H2H or Top5. 5 is the record low in total wins since we moved to the Top5 system in 2018, and it was in 2018 by... you Ryan. Better shape up.

Collin 107.38 - 107.04 Garrett

This was one of the two games that came down to MNF with Collin needing Amon-Ra St Brown and De'Von Achane to outscore Miami's defense by 26 points to land the win. But a very weak outing from Achane (5.9) put the onus on the Sun God to make it happen. With under 6 left to play, he catches a TD pass to give Collin the 0.34 edge and crush Garrett's dreams of maintaining his .500 record. The 0.34 margin of defeat is the 2nd smallest margin of defeat ever, and the smallest since 2022 Week 3 when Nathan beat Jake by 0.26. Collin escaped with a win, but didn't make enough for the Top5 so he does slightly slip in the rankings, which is tough given he walks into a tough game against Tmo next week. Garrett can take a breather though, as he faces a tragically bad Ryan team.

TK 124.3 vs 123.0 Mike

Like Collin vs Garrett, this game came down to MNF. I didn't really expect this one to be close but Kenneth Walker putting up 33.6 points to counter relatively weak games from Njigba and LaPorta actually made it a wild ending. TK was down 1.9 entering the 4th quarter of the Lions-Seahawks game, but the Lions were up big. Seattle's gotta throw the ball to gain ground, right? WRONG. Kenneth Walker ripped a 21 yard TD run, his 3rd of the day, to put TK up 6. Mike needed a response from Njigba if he wanted to retain his #2 spot in the standings, while TK was on the hunt for a 2-0 week to put pressure on the league leaders. 7 minutes left and LaPorta gets a quick 4 points off a 30 yard catch: Mike down 0.4. At this point, Mike was also trying to squeak past John Luke for the weekly challenge (Mike trailed JL by 0.72 with under 3 minutes left, and the highest score with a loss won the prize). After a Lion's safety, the Hawks had the ball and it was Walker v Njigba to end the game. A Geno Smith bomb to the endzone, looking for Njigbaaaaaaaa... no. Intercepted, ballgame Lions, ballgame TK. Mike doesn't get the win, doens't get the Top5, and doesn't get the weekly challenge. Get fucked Mike.

Are You Better than the Georgia Bulldogs?

No losses this week, despite Austin's best efforts. Yall are lucky Stafford sucks this year or there'd be some losses getting dropped each week with my boys going off sporadically.